The goats enjoy the discarded tree that had stood proudly decorated in their barnyard during the Christmas week. (Photo courtesy Katherine Dunn)
I could smell the scent of pine as it was being chewed and enjoyed by the gathering of goofballs outside the barn. The goats were enjoying the discarded tree that had stood proudly decorated in their barnyard during the Christmas week.
All the decor was packed away and the little tree lay humbly at the feet of the goats.
“I look forward to this every year!” said Puddles the goat.
“Oh me too, almost as good as the cookie crumbs they toss out!” said Pickles.
“I miss her pretty decorations though,” said Else the old goat. “And her lights.”
Suddenly, little Hannah stopped chewing. Her expression was one of shock and sadness.
“Wait … a … minute. This is … our … Christmas tree??!” little Hannah said, gasping for air.
“Not anymore!” said Puddles in his bully way.
“Hannah, we cut her down so the barnyard could be festive for Christmas,” I said.
“You cut her down?! I should have stopped you, I should have helped her!” Hannah cried. “I thought she was born in her little red bucket, and she’d be here forever with me!”
Fortunately just at that moment, Earnest the pig came walking by.
“I smelled the wonderful scent of…” but he stopped himself as he saw Hannah, stooped over and whimpering.
“She was beautiful. She was my friend,” said Hannah.
Earnest sat down next to the little goat, as the others continued to munch their tree, unfazed by her former purpose.
“Hannah, your little tree bravely grew in the forest for the last few years. She weathered storms, and heat waves, woodpeckers and hungry deer. And eventually, she would have died someday,” said the pig.
“I just want one thing that won’t die,” said Hannah. “I love things and they die.”
“We will all die, someday, Hannah,” I said.
Hannah screamed and threw herself into Earnest the pig’s arms. “I don’t want to lose anything again that I love, ever.”
The herd was silent as they anticipated that Earnest the pig was about to speak.
“Then you must never love again, Hannah. You must stop loving your tree friends, your bird friends, all your chickens, and all the goats and ponies and donkeys. You can’t love me anymore either, or Mrs. Dunn,” said the pig.
“Not even my ladybug friends?” Hannah asked.
“Not even the ladybugs, Hannah,” said the pig.
“I don’t think I can do that,” said the little goat.
“No, you can’t, because your heart is so big and full of Hannah love. The trick to loving is to love right now, what is right in front of you. No matter what leaves, look at what is right in front of you, and love it over and over,” said the pig.
This seemed to make sense to Hannah, as her tears stopped and everyone went about the day.
Later that evening, I was closing up the barn, and I heard a little voice saying, “And I love you, and you, and you too, and you … and you …”
I peeked in, and there was Hannah pointing at spiders and chickens and goats and hay, sharing her love.
(Katherine Dunn, of Apifera Farm in Bremen, is an artist and writer. Apifera, a nonprofit, takes in elderly and special-needs animals and shares them with elder people. Learn more at katherinedunn.us.)
