Her middle name was Eloise, which may have been a portent of things to come. The framing names were Afton and Bates. She had – in the course of a blessedly long life – a number of names. She was Mrs. Witham for a time; later she became Mrs. Haggett. To friends she was always Affie and, since she became a grandmother, many know her only as Graffie. There was also a time when she went by the name of “Snara,” which we often heard when we were children.
Afton Eloise and her best friend Lucille McCutcheon Merrifield would seem by all accounts to have been high-spirited and somewhat impertinent. For a time they were banned from Murray Center’s department store because of some kind of mischief. It was also said that they deliberately contrived to attract the attention of a young Congregational minister who moved into the parsonage across the street from the Bates house.
In 1937 she married the Rev. Cecil L. Witham and proceeded to have four children. Afton was also intensely involved in Cecil’s church. Among other things she organized and led a youth choir with students from Lincoln Academy, many of whom became life-long friends. Their work at the church and their special interest in young people found practical expression in trips with the choir kids to Cecil’s family’s island at the outer edge of Penobscot Bay.
They also took a longer trip, this time to Europe, from which Cecil returned a sick man. He never really recovered and died of a heart attack at a church convention in Los Angeles while Afton and the children were at her brother Arthur’s in San Diego. Afton first went to Los Angeles and then returned to tell us that Cecil had died – in the 15th year of their marriage. From the outset – during the trip back to Maine, during the last summer in the parsonage, during the move to Cross Street – she carried her grief deep within. She didn’t cry, she didn’t weaken; she remained what she had always been — a deeply religious, disciplined and caring woman. It was a special gift that she had the love and support of her own family and that of Cecil’s.
She received aid for dependent children but began immediately to fashion a new life. For a time she worked at Ethel’s Dress Shop but then quickly found her true calling as a teacher. She took summer courses at the University of Maine to become qualified and embarked on a lengthy career as teacher – at Lincoln and at Wiscasset High – as well as homemaker and single parent. And again, she accomplished it all with dedicated application and with a high degree of personal discipline.
After about 10 years and a number of potential suitors, who all proved wanting, she married John Haggett, an old friend of her schooldays. This entailed moving to Bath. They also spent much time in Willimantic where John had carved a place out of the wilderness and in Florida. Afton also traveled frequently: to her daughter in the Midwest, to a son in Washington State, to a son at Boca Grande and to a son in Chile and Germany. Their marriage, unfortunately, lasted but 20 years. John passed away in 1982. She wrote of the last difficult time, while they hoped, one with the other and for five months, that he would survive. The moist poignant scene that they left us was of them making music together, John on drums and Afton at the piano. And both with impish smiles.
Thereafter, and for the past 30 years, she has been “Graffie.” During that time she sold Willimantic and moved back to the family home beside the church. She was surrounded by large and growing families and by many old friends, some of them from the youth choir. About 10 years ago she was forced to surrender her driver’s license, which she protested heatedly, showing distinct signs of the Eloise temperament. That was only a preview of things to come: making her last trip to Indianapolis, selling the house beside the church, moving first to the Lincoln Home and finally to Riverside at Cove’s Edge. She developed some form of dementia, perhaps Alzheimer’s, possibly not. She remained observant, outgoing and dependable. She didn’t look her age and at times she didn’t act it, either.
It was a kind of blessing, perhaps a sign of divine intercession, that she spent her last day with members of her family, in good spirits and without physical debility. She passed away quietly and unexpectedly, as had her mother 30 years before.
She will be sorely missed by her sons, Nathan (Frauke) Witham of Holzminden, Germany, Barry (Peggy) Witham of Seattle; daughter, Wendy (Gale) from Indianapolis; daughter-in-law, Barbara Witham, Rockland; stepson, David Haggett; sister, Jean Hilton (Ralph) Rochester, NH; and sister-in-law, Gloria Witham of Rockland; grandchildren: Tori Plummer, Michael (Karin) and David Witham, Kim Stone and Troy (Dawn) Witham, Michael and Drake (Hazel) Witham, Jon (Cathy) and Mark Wilkerson and Sara McFarlen (Zach); great-grandchildren, Alexander and Charlotte Witham, Joey Norris, Gray Witham, Tyler and Erin Plummer, Jacob, Haylie and Ben Witham, Kessler and Sawyer Wilkerson; and many nieces and nephews.
She was pre-deceased by her husbands, Rev. Cecil Witham and John Haggett and son Robert Witham, sisters, Toni Brown, and Winnie Mason; brothers, Ken and Arthur Bates.
The family wishes to thank all the staff at Riverside who have cared for Graffie in the last few years
A memorial service will be held Saturday, October 5th at 2pm at the Second Congregational Church in Newcastle. In lieu of flowers, contributions in her memory can be made to the Second Congregational Church, PO Box 243, Newcastle, ME 04553.
Arrangements are under the direction and care of the Strong-Hancock Funeral Home, 612 Main Street, Damariscotta, ME. Condolences, and messages for the family, may be expressed by visiting: www.StrongHancock.com
